When I really sit down and look back at the Shruthi 3 years ago, she seems unrecognisable compared to today.
In her connection with the universe.
Her soul and her body.
With the people around her and the collective consciousness.
Yes, she was always sensitive and emotional. Yes, she was always passionate about people, stories, and the subtle shifts in feelings. But…
She’d also completely shut herself down over time. And was just in the early ‘early’ stages of discovering herself. There was so much anger, blame, and grief. A weird, toxic relationship with success and ambition because she tied them to safety. The push and pull with everything was so intense then.
And here's the weird thing, right? When you become an entirely new version of yourself…you sort of feel disconnected?
Like you don't see those past experiences the same way anymore. There's more neutrality. Sometimes you even forget…unless you really focus on remembering.
The last 3 years…especially the last 24 months have felt like a billion lifetimes to be honest. I underwent my awakening sometime in May 2023 (I think?). Life changed in a day, and the rest 8 months were just spent in understanding the changes that took place that day.
As I'm writing this…my brain's like, “It's only been 2 years???!!!! What the hell????!!”
It's mindboggling.
The next time I go on a spiral of, “What the fuck have we even done in the last few years?!” I should probably remind myself of this. Because when you’re deep in this journey, no one tells you that you’ll lose all sense of time and space.
That brings me to the point of this newsletter—if it even has one. I'm just winging it today, because it's one of those days.
Sometimes, I wish this journey came with a manual.
Yeah, yeah, I know — discovering yourself is the best thing ever. There’s always light at the end of the tunnel… yada yada yada… I do realise that.
But universe, it'd be really nice to know at least something.
Like I'd be on a fast-track train to becoming a highly sensitive being. That my body would force me to take rest in the worst ways possible with pins and needles (literally, not kidding). That I'd get so overwhelmed and exhausted when I go outside, based on people's energies.
That I'd feel wave after wave of intense exhaustion, brain fog, body pains…and then rainbows, unicorns, clarity, awe, and a fully different perspective of life the next day.
That there'd be months where my body just…gave up. One moment I’d be running a thriving business, loving what I did—and then within two weeks, it’d all end. Contracts closed. Income vanished. I thought it was a low month, but nope—turns out the universe wasn’t fucking kidding.
That I’d try to push through. But would get smacked with a fever so bad that parts of my body I didn’t even know existed started to hurt. For months.
That I'd be bombarded with one set of energies or the other…all the freaking time. Collective consciousness, ancestral, past lives, people, places, periods, new and full moons…dogs??? That I'd have to meander through the muddy waters of “Is this emotion even mine? Of this lifetime?” for months before I received some sense of clarity to differentiate.
That there'd be days I’d hide under the covers, wondering, “Will I ever be able to lead a ‘normal’ life without getting bone-tired?”…and then, of course, spiral into, “What's normal anyway?”
That I'd just have to take the fucking leap sometimes, simply trusting that I'd not fall into the abyss, break my bones and shatter everything…no biggy! Shruthi…you're being called to trust and surrender…just jump! It's only after walking this path that I'm realising how much trust and surrender have been romanticised.
Why? Why??????
Most days, I have no idea what I'm goddamn doing. Other days, I'm filled with such intense clarity to sort of compensate for the other days.
And don't get me wrong, I love my life. Really proud of how far I've come. And yes, I'm also aware that I wouldn't be the person I am today without every single thing that's happened. Every trap, every muddy water, every meandering, every tear, and every anxiety and panic attack.
But on some days like today…I just want to pass out. Under a cozy blanket. When it's freezing outside.
I don’t think we talk enough about the “adjusting to change” part.
At least for the new wave of souls going through their awakenings. When I meet up with my friends in their late 40s and 50s, they talk about how they've been on this path for decades. But it's been sort of gradual, with some intense moments in between. For those in their 20s and early 30s like me, it feels like a jam-packed session. Before I can breathe after one massive ass jump, there's already another cliff waiting.
And yes, this cliff analogy was taken from ChatGPT…and I really liked it okay??!!
Even while writing this, I feel that thread of guilt—“Isn’t your life better than you ever imagined? What are you complaining about?!”
But something in me says this needs to come out… if not for you, then for me.
To let it all out. To tie up the loose ends.
And move into the next phase.
Because it’s already arrived.
And here's the weird thing, right? I love the adrenaline rush, the constant transformations, inner work, serving others, falling in love with the beings around me, and the universe. I don't know who I'd be without all that. Without going through life at breakneck speed.
But sometimes…I also wish I had the option of turning my brain off for a while whenever needed and just chilling instead of breathing heavily from one transformation or getting ready for another.
To be honest, I don't know how to end this piece. Maybe I don't even have to.
Not everything needs to be ended prettily with a beautiful as fuck bow, I guess? I hope.
Maybe today's one of the days that just feels like one big sigh and where I pat myself on the back, saying, "It's okay. I'm proud of you. Please take a damn nap." And maybe the part I never give myself enough credit for… is how brave I’ve been to stay in it.
And if you're here too...sensitive, shifting, barely taking a breath in between...I hope today you get to rest your wings.
Coz it feels like we're all gonna need it.
If you're moving through the kind of emotional waves I spoke about in this letter — the exhaustion, the unraveling, the shifts that make time feel warped — you might find what you’ve been quietly searching for inside Unspoken Selves.
It’s a self-guided soul project I created through deep surrender, made for the versions of you you’ve buried, denied, or never fully witnessed.
The pre-sale is open now, with 5 identities you can meet immediately — each one with a channeled message, oracle reflections, and somatic prompts to help you land deeper into yourself.
Four more identities will arrive in the full release, in rhythm with how they come through. If it calls to you… You’re already being held by it.
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