It's time to create a "fuck-it" list
The real alchemy begins not when you fight harder, but when you stop betraying your own peace.
She was silent. Staring out the window behind her laptop, throat bobbing, lost in her own world.
We had just entered the session.
The silence wasn’t unusual. With her, silence spoke more deeply than words.
There was no rush, no productivity, no optimisation or any of that crap.
Just deep peace, presence, mirroring and existence.
“Why do I always do this Shruthi?” - she asked after a few minutes.
I stayed silent, willing for her to go on.
“I visited my parents this week for a family function even if I really didn’t want to go. Everyone was there.
The first thing my uncle and mom said?”
I already knew. Facepalm incoming.
“You’ve gotten rounder honey! Looks good on you though!”
She let out a frustrated growl.
“I just internally froze and couldn’t give back. Why did I even freeze? Every single fucking time! All I could do was give a fake smile and run the hell out of there! I feel so damn weak! Like anyone could crush me and move on.
Weirdly, I got the exact response to give seconds after I was supposed to say something! But it was too late then, and the fucker had already moved on to his next victim!”
Her rant made me laugh and ache at the same time. I used to be that way, too.
The universe really does send us our mirrors.
When she finished, I asked her just one question:
“Why? When you imagine giving it back, what are you afraid might happen?”
We began listing it out:
I’m not quick with comebacks.
I don’t want drama or attention.
I don’t want to be disrespectful.
I don’t have the energy for a confrontation. It freaks the shit out of me.
She’d already done deep work around safety in her body, but specific triggers still brought her old self back. It mirrored my own journey, too.
Later, right when we were about to end the session, her future self came through — calm, clear, no-nonsense.
And she said something that stayed with me long after that session:
Create a fuck-it list
About 8 months ago, I was sitting in my room at my parents’ place, crying after something my dad said that genuinely hurt. As usual, I had gulped my freeze response, taking it in and retreating to my room moments later. I can still feel the parchness in my throat that day.
My sister — seven years younger, but with a raging fire I’ve always admired — looked at me and said:
“If they don’t think it through before they speak, if they don’t think through what effect their words are having on you, then why the fuck are you overthinking the shit about everything?”
That line changed my life.
She wasn’t just talking about family; she was talking about everyone.
And something in me snapped into alignment.
Without realising it, I began building my own fuck-it list.
What’s the fuck-it list?
It’s a living list of everything you refuse to tolerate — from others or yourself.
The standards you’ll hold yourself to, no matter what.
Mine looked something like this:
I’ll never shame or use any negative words towards my body
I’ll never deplete myself or my energy for others
I’ll look straight while walking and not down constantly
I’m never going to justify from a place of seeking validation [stories, emotions, needs, price for my offers, the value I bring…it’s a long list]
I’m never going to consider the price of a dress/accessory if I really want to get it.
It’s about ruthlessly cutting out everything that makes you freeze, shrink, or exhaust yourself.
It’s hard. Sometimes terrifying.
But the hardest things are often the most sacred.
And you don’t need to do it all at once.
One day at a time. One boundary at a time.
How to create a fuck-it list
Take one week, and note down every single incident that made you feel:
Numb
Unseen
Unsafe
Frozen
Overwhelmed
Drained
Unworthy
Small
Claustrophobic
Pissed
Angry as fuck
You get the point.
Awareness itself is alchemy.
The more light you shine on it, the less power it has over you.
Write down anything your soul tells you:
“I’m DONE with this! I don’t want to be this person anymore!!”
It doesn’t have to make sense, and there should be no judgment. It can even be the tiniest of incidents. Do not be polite. This is FOR YOU.
And no, you’re not too sensitive or being a drama queen.
The biggest realisation I’ve had through this journey is this:
One single moment can create a lifetime of fear. But one single moment of standing in your power can undo that fear completely, too.
You only need to choose yourself once or twice.
You’ll feel it. Your shoulders sag with relief. Your breath expands, your chest loosens. The best kind of pride fills your whole body.
That’s your power remembering itself.
(As I’m writing this, there’s a chorus of birds outside. The universe always finds its way to say — fuck yes, go on, my friend.)
Converting the fuck-it list to action
Yup, we’ve arrived at the scary and exciting part.
The point isn’t to judge your process. It’s to observe, become aware, and use those moments as signals. One step at a time. One boundary at a time.
If you freeze in the moment, that’s fine. You can breathe into your body later, unravel the emotion, and set the boundary then. It doesn’t have to be immediate.
For example, I set my boundaries 2 days later with my dad:
“Hey, what you said that day really hurt me. And triggered me too. It’d be really nice if you don’t speak to me in that way again.”
[I don’t exactly remember what I told him, especially in Tamil. This was the approximation.]
Surprisingly, he took it really well and apologised. And that’s when my mom told me something that surprised me more than ever…one of her good days:)
“If you don’t tell us what hurt you, and aren’t setting the expectations, then you’re constantly making us overthink about how we treat you, or what words cause what reactions in you.”
It made so much sense! So true! Damn mom!
Start with the loved ones you feel safe with. It could be your best friend, partner, parents, kids…anything.
Also, you decide what kind of boundaries work for you. Yes, not responding and walking away is also a boundary. You are in power here. It’s your choice.
Try sorting incidents into boxes:
I can try this
I feel deeply uncomfortable
Abort, abort, abort!!!
It helps.
Imagine it to be a game, where doing a series of tasks allows you to go to the next level. Make it fun. Challenge yourself. Have a partner in crime, even. Take your spirit guides and your future self’s guidance. They’re already on the other side of the road. They can guide you beyond measure. You’re never alone.
And then, slowly, everything begins to rearrange around your new boundaries.
Just after my mom said those words, something deeply exhaled in me. If I had inadvertently hurt a loved one, wouldn’t I wanna know? Wouldn’t I want to make things easier, understand them and come to a common ground? Wouldn’t I want us to work on our relationship?
If there’s one thing my spiritual/healing years have taught me, it’s this: when we start prioritising ourselves, the universe gifts us deep conversations — a chance to experience love that’s beyond what we’d ever imagined. We truly start understanding what a relationship, what a soul connection means. And what it could be.
The rest falls away — it was never meant to stay. Yes, there’s grief. I’ve lost friendships I once thought permanent because I was ‘too much.’ Looking back, they simply didn’t have the space or weren’t ready for those tough conversations. That’s okay. Everyone is on their own path.
After that? The ripples didn’t stop.
Today, when I look back, not for one moment do I ever regret having those conversations and setting those boundaries, for my life is much richer now.
When I enter a room, I can automatically feel my aura spreading and people treating me better, respecting me better (there are, of course, some doofuses). I don’t have the freeze or flight response because I know I can stand my ground. I’ve never ever felt safer in my body ever before. The freeze wasn’t my enemy — it kept me safe when I didn’t yet know I could be. But safety evolves, and so did I.
I sleep more now. Gut issues & cravings have gone down. Weirdly, I’ve lost weight and my face has cleared up (it still fascinates me how feeling unsafe in my body has resulted in manifestation of things I hadn’t even thought about.)
And fuck, the gentle power and pride you feel in your bones and your breath? It’s intoxicating and addictive. Because never in your life, you thought you could view yourself like that. There’s no ego, being weak or strong. There’s just presence, and standing in your being. I really didn’t understand what it meant when my mentors, guides or people in reels used to tell that. But I do get it now. Wholeheartedly. Unabashedly.
The best thing?? You give permission for others to stand up too. Like my sister gave me. Like I gave my client. It becomes a ripple masterpiece. Or ripples of compassion, as my friend Alicia calls it.
The weird thing I’ve noticed with myself and all my clients?
We think we’re starting small.
But once we stand in our power, our being, our confidence for an incident or two? The Universe automatically starts exponentially speeding up the process for us. Like, it was just waiting for us to fucking decide and take action. Suddenly, a few weeks in, you’re unrecognisable.
We really don’t realise how MUCH we’re holding it in until everything comes spewing out. We don’t realise the depth of tension in our shoulders, throat and chest. We don’t realise how much our body has been just waiting to relax and breathe for years.
Many sessions later, the client (I really don’t like calling her a client because she’s more of a soul-connection. But using her name or replacing it with any other feels wrong, so this should do) and I were having a conversation reflecting everything we’d experienced in the past months.
The ups, the lows, the fears, the clenching and unclenching. The relief. The stillness. The whole rollercoaster of it all.
She shared something so beautiful:
“Shruthi, when we started to work together on my business, I had no idea why the universe took us down this route. But you kept pushing me and I ended up trusting the process. The ripples have been crazy. My relationship is better than ever. My content has become so strong and powerful...I can feel it! And I’ve been getting opportunities from the most surprising of places! Yesterday, in a meditation, I could feel merging with my future self, and it was the most divine experience I’ve ever had!
Once I stopped apologising for my truth, everything has begun to expand.”
My heart felt so full.
There was a full gong inside: This is why we do what we do.
As usual, I ended up tearing up. But who the fuck cares!
If you’ve been walking on the path, or even reading this...Somehow, I know the post is meant for you. It’s meant to awaken something in you.
One last thing: A fuck-it list isn’t rebellion. It’s reverence — for your peace, your truth, your energy, your divine timing. It’s how you start honouring the God within you. And remember, your future self who’s already living your ‘fuck-it list’ is watching you right now, grinning. She knows you’ll get here. She already did.
Until next time,
With loads of love,
Shruthi
P.S.:
If you recognised yourself in these words, if your body whispered “it’s time”, and you’re ready for someone to walk beside you, holding your hand in the present moment while mirroring your highest potential, my 1:1 space might be for you.
This work begins the moment you choose to honour that pull.
You had me at “fuck it” list. Saving this post for my morning coffee.
I recently created a "Harsh Judgement" list with all the really unkind, harsh stuff I criticize myself on. My interactions with people trigger some really hard comments "why are you such a spazz?" "why can't you just not say anything like other people?"
Just creating the list helped. Makes me more aware of how harsh I am with myself.