I'm throwing "Manifestation" into the bin. Here's why

An honest take on how my relationship with the word has evolved and how it doesn't serve me anymore

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Tbh, I’ll always be grateful to manifestation techniques.

After all, that was my entry point into spirituality three years ago. I still remember how the whole thing seemed fucking fascinating at the time!

Whhhaaaattttt? You could just constantly visualise your dream coming true and it will?? Anything??!!!

Like every Tom Dick and Harry, I went onto binge-watch about a million videos of Neville Goddard, Joe Dispenza, Roxie Nafousi and many many more people I've lost count of. My innate urge to prove something to myself also led me down the path of trying out every manifestation technique on the face of the earth…3-6-9, chanting mantras, affirmations, meditations, writing on bayleaf and burning it…on and on and on.

At first, it felt exciting. Curious. Light. Magical.

And then… it slowly turned into something else.

Desperation. Clinginess. Unworthiness masked as effort. Every “desire” I wanted to manifest only showing my deeper traumas.

Most of all, I could never keep up with the barrage of “rituals”. Now I’ve come to know that I loathe structure created by others…but I didn’t know it then. All it did was make me feel extremely boxed up.

Some of the things I tried did work instantly—which honestly made it worse. That hit of “proof” pulled me right back into the loop.

It showed up the most in my relationship with money and business.

I’d set lofty goals, spend hours building a massive plan, get into action with high vibes and the perfect visualisation practice…constantly telling myself if I just did everything right, I'd get my results. I’d be “successful”.

But then… a few days in, cracks would appear.

When I wouldn't see the results I craved for, there'd almost be a black ink reeking of my internal spiral appearing. The fact that I could never control the results, reach the goals…led to a whole cycle.

Jealousy. Shame. Frustration. Guilt.

And I’d push those feelings down because, you know, “high vibrations only baby!!!!”.

Until…it'd burst like a volcano that looked like panic attacks, crying (cough cough…bawling) episodes and abandoning myself in the worst way possible.

Deep down, of course, I always knew something was off.

But I didn’t want to face it. I don’t think I was ready either.

Because if I let go of those dreams and plans… what the hell would I hold on to? What would keep me safe?

That was the real fear.

Not failure.

Just…the absence of next steps.

Could I feel safe even if I had no clue what to do next?
Could I stay still if there was no movement, no progress, no plan?
Could I fully trust the universe if I gave up all control?

That was the edge.

Eventually, I just got exhausted. Burnt out even.

The whole thing started falling apart on its own. Like a jenga tower tipping over.

One belief at a time.

That’s when I realised something important: I was damn good at dreaming.

Not goal-setting. Not scripting. Just dreaming.

Without expectation. Without timeline. (cue sarcastic laugh)

It felt right at the time.

So I renamed manifestation to “dreaming” in my head.

I’d dream of a roster full of aligned clients, an overflowing bank account, giving talks to thousands, writing books… all while staring at the ceiling fan or listening to a guided visualisation on repeat.

And I’d say to myself:

“I'm just dreaming, right?! How's it even hurting me? Look! I'm not even putting timelines to it! Am I?”

Even then… I was still holding on.

Still trying to keep one foot in safety. Or what I assumed safety was then.

Still wanting things to happen my way, even if I was calling it flow.

We often don’t realise it…but our ego can really trip us up…masking its fears and wanting to protect us into different identities and lovely looking wrappers.

Until one day, my soul whispered:

“You can’t move to your next stage if you’re still clinging to goals built from your mind. You were never meant to run a business like this. You know that, don’t you?”

Of course, I didn’t listen immediately.

I fought. I cried. I had full-blown tantrums.

And that’s when I realised: Even in dreaming, I was still chasing safety.

Still trying to feel secure in ways I didn’t even notice.

Especially when it came to money.

You see? I never really felt safe in my body.

Especially when the bank account started dipping below a certain number. Like there was this subconscious thread tying up both together… a thread I could deeply feel, but couldn't name or see clearly.

And I hated that I was “manifesting” clients just for money—because that’s never been how I operate. I’ve always cared about alignment.

Even said no to people because I knew it wasn’t right. Then I’d finish the call and panic about bank balance.

That was the time when the duality inside me felt almost unbearable.

Eventually, I stopped trying to find ways around it.

I sat down. Had a bunch of messy, mucky, tangled internal conversations. And slowly accepted something that changed everything:

That in this lifetime, I’m not meant to struggle for money.

Last year, my soul basically forced me to be still for six whole months.

No launching. No selling. Nothing. Just being.

I resisted so hard. But the more I did, the worse the friction in my body became.

It felt like nails on a chalkboard.

So I stopped.

What happened?: I received money in the weirdest, most random ways.

An old client paid me.
My husband got a bonus.
Gift vouchers. Discounts.
Support from people I didn’t even expect.

Every time I needed it, something showed up.

We were more than okay.

Our investments even grew.

That’s when I saw it clearly:

Even when I did nothing… I was held.

(It’s so ironic that I’m called to write this now, because I’m experiencing a similar though deeper and more nuanced situation right now. I’m being called into stillness and stay present, even though I observe my mind throwing a tantrum today.)

Things started shifting from there.

I began to “manifest” things instantly.

But weirdly? It didn’t feel like manifesting at all.

Here’s what I mean:

When a desire came from my mind, I’d have to force it.

Force the visualisation. Force the feeling. There was always a desperate edge to it. Even if I was pretending it didn’t exist.

But when a desire came from my soul?

I just knew it would happen.

No fear. No urgency. No pressure. Just clarity. Some even called it being delusional.

Like, I know my husband and I are going to buy land & build a house there one day. Probably 10 years from now.

I can already feel it. The energy of the land, the beings there, sounds of birds and water…the calmness I feel …everything! And there’s no inner dialogue around how, when, or what if.

Just peace. Trust. Like I know somewhere that it's already happened.

It happens with the small things too.

The other day, I was thinking about getting a new body scrub. Two hours later, I found two unused ones while cleaning my cupboard.

Two weeks ago, I randomly saw myself with a huge collection of earrings. Three days later, I found six stunning pairs hidden in my dresser—ones a friend had gifted me years ago that I’d completely forgotten.

On the flip side…yesterday, I decided to finally build my website.

I felt a surge of excitement. Sat down to write…and nothing came out. Just a very clear, quiet no from my body. I only ended up staring at my laptop for a good 20 min until I gave up.

That was my soul saying: “Not yet.”

Because the energy came from my mind—not from truth.

My soul just doesn’t allow me to do things that aren’t right at the right time. I’d have instant visceral reactions from my body, and even if I do try to force it from time to time…it won’t happen. I’d only feel like a petulant child who can’t shut the fuck up until she gets her favourite candy.

I’ve seen this pattern so many times now.

Way too many to count.

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Things still aren't perfect. And probably they aren't ever meant to be.

I still trip sometimes when I see someone talk about their 6-figure business and their dream clients. I still catch myself watching manifestation videos with my mind’s goals in the background.

But I’ve become more and more aware of the nuance.

And time & again, it comes back to this:

Can I trust even if it doesn’t make sense?
Can I trust even if it makes me deeply uncomfortable?
Can I trust even in the silence?

Because the biggest lesson has been this:

Silence doesn’t always mean yes.
Sometimes it’s a not yet.
Sometimes it’s a no.

I keep remembering what a friend said to me:

“Shruthi, do you trust the journey as much as the ground under your feet?”

And when I recenter myself... I remember again:

I don’t need to “manifest” shit anymore.

Things will happen on their own. At the right time.

Until next time,
With loads and loads of love,
Shruthi

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P.S.: If this piece stirred something inside you—if you felt it crack open something deep—consider supporting my work.

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P.P.S.
If you’re new here—hi, I’m Shruthi.

I channel truth from the cosmos, from the soul, and the shadow. My work is rooted in remembering who the fuck you are, integrating what you’ve run from, and reclaiming the power you never lost. I guide souls like you to stop bypassing and start becoming.

This space isn’t for performance. It’s for permission.
To feel. To rise. To return.

If this message moved something inside you…I want to hear from you. Let me know what surfaced. Share your letter if you wrote one—I’ll hold it in the deepest reverence. Or just say, “That was me. I needed this.” Whatever your soul calls you to do.

And if you know someone else who’s in this void, send this their way. Sometimes all it takes is one reminder to crack open - and walk you back home.