Life-altering transformations of 2024

The year of stillness taught me more than I could ever imagine

Hey beautiful soul,

Disclaimer: I know people usually share their reflections for the year in the end of December, but somehow this felt ultimately right. Also, you might notice some changes in the publication - I’m amidst a massive rebrand closer to my soul purpose. I’ll share more about it later this week. All I can say for now is that its never felt so absolutely right, and I’m so so excited for what’s to come!

2024 has been a year of massive stillness for me—stillness I didn’t expect or believe I could experience.

What? Not working more than 10 hours a month for half a year? Binge-reading a million Kindle Unlimited books? Sleeping for 10-11 hours a day? Just pondering about life for hours? How’s that possible?!

The old Shruthi would have baulked at its sheer “non-usefulness”.

Of course, my business didn’t grow much. But my soul didn’t seem to give a damn. The universe always made sure I had money when I needed it, put me in rooms to provide the right opportunities to level the fuck up, and made me look into the mirror until I saw the truth for what it was.

Every time I tried to “force” work, my soul put up a fight saying:

“Shruthi, you need this. Be still. You’re getting ready for the next phase. And that’s going to be intense.”

On a side note, it was fucking creepy, weird and miraculous when 3 more souls passed on the same message to me. Wait, they said. It’s okay, they said.

When my soul said intense, I should have trusted it. Why I took the intensity for granted I have no damn clue! It’s not that it has ever let me down before! But before I get into the start of a new paradigm, I want to share the most earth-shattering transformations I went through to get ready.

Metamorphosis - Transitioning from a caterpillar to a butterfly

caterpillar to butterfly

1. Unlocking my money trauma

This was probably the biggest transformation this year, and I reached depths I could have never imagined.

The true understanding and realisation of how I always associated money with freedom of choice, and how even the thought of not having the choice made me claustrophobic and weak as fuck…boggled my mind. The weird thing? I always associated receiving something with giving money. I had limited my idea of abundance to money so much that I didn’t see the other beautiful possibilities around me!

“The universe will put you in the same situation over and over again until you learn...until you react differently…until you learn to think differently…until you learn that enough is enough.” - Unknown

Until…

One day, I suddenly woke up and realised I was still here!

• My quality of life hadn’t decreased—actually, I splurged on my costliest jeans and pants this year. (I can’t forget that day when I realised the comfortablest of clothes exists for plus-size women!)

• I went on 4 different vacations, including my first (almost completely paid) international 1-month trip to Penang, Malaysia

• My savings and investments only increased

What?? Could I still live my life? I wouldn’t be homeless if I didn’t work for a month? How crazy is that?

The whole experience made me feel so grateful for the life I have, for the experiences I’ve lived through and for the universe to give me the courage to trust it.

2. Being okay with depending on my husband

Mainly emotionally and once financially.

The walls created around me could rival the Great Wall of China. I didn’t realise how deep my wounds went until this year. How freeing it would be to truly depend on someone without the fear of getting hurt. Without expecting the other ball to drop or the worst-case scenario to occur - to genuinely get to switch off my brain around someone because I trust them wholeheartedly.

What this led to was an exponential increase in trusting my friends too! As a perpetual giver stuck in a taker’s body who was terrified of receiving (complicated enough?)…as someone who had no idea what true giving and receiving meant…this felt like a quantum leap.

This led to…

3. Becoming an expert at setting boundaries (well…we’re getting there)

I could actually let people know how I truly feel, be my true self…and they won’t get upset or leave me??!! How crazy is that?!

The whole process led me to deep dive into who I am in relationships. Throughout my life, it always felt like I was forced into other’s love languages which became “duties” at one point, especially with my parents and family.

It felt so relieving to understand how I express love (through conversations and cooking for others when I have energy, or ordering food for them!). To make those who matter understand that I might not have the energy all the time, and some things they’ve said in the past deeply hurt me, even though I got where they came from. I’m not someone who calls every day or can even respond to messages immediately. That I will forget something or the other because of brain fog, and it’s got nothing to do with them. But I will make up for it in my own way, not because of the guilt that’s plaguing me, but because I deeply care for them.

What astounded me through it all, was how people around me couldn’t be more understanding! What? It was me ALL ALONG???!!!

Earlier, my first instinct was to escape…either move away from the physical space or emotionally escape. But one day my mom explained that my parents are there for me in their own way, and she can’t always be paranoid about what she said hurt me, and when I’ll escape…if I’m not being honest with her. They’re growing too, and we’re all getting to know each other again.

I’ve never been more proud of her, or respected her more!

That’s when slowly one conversation at a time, I started to stand up for myself, even though it often felt like a bull was crushing my chest or like I’d pee in my pants.

My soul gave me the energy to go through each one, and as the quality of my relationships increased, my compassion & love for myself and others grew!

Do you know how liberating it feels? [Imagine a massive sigh and sag of shoulders]

4. Accepting the way I run my business 100%

Oh, this is a massive one, that needs another piece on its own, but I’m simply typing what’s coming up for me now:)

My heart always knew how I wanted to run my business and stand up for my mission.

• Focus on building deep soulful connections one at a time

• Tune into my energy to see how I work best, instead of forcing anything

• Focus on pure service, and karma without my ego coming into play (this also includes releasing offers as soon as my soul asks me to, because it’s there for a reason. Fear is also a form of ego.). Without focusing on outcomes - by trusting that whatever is meant to happen, will happen.

• Write long-form essays (like this one), and express my heart out, whenever it feels right without sticking to a “schedule”.

• Focus on building collaborations, because we aren’t supposed to run businesses alone.

• Have a mix of in-person and online workshops/retreats

But, every time I started with an intention of doing this, a few weeks or months later, my ego would come into play:

• I’d start to binge-read about content strategy - even though I hate it. Worse, force myself to implement it. Yuck!

• I’d force myself to stick to a schedule, even though my heart knows that it doesn't work for me

• I wouldn’t express myself fully because of fear of judgment

• I’d do things because I’m “supposed to” instead of “want to”

• I’d panic the fuck out of selling because it’d feel icky and salesy at times. And I’d be paranoid about folks misjudging me, or worse ignoring me.

• I wouldn’t release offers because I’m fucking petrified. Or release them at the price points my soul is calling out for.

Until I’d get so exhausted and shut down…for the whole cycle to repeat.

It felt like a pendulum, swinging from one end to another.

Photo by Luca Volpe on Unsplash

Yes, I’ve become infinitely better at tapping into my emotions, understanding the root, loving all parts of myself and levelling the fuck up over the last 3 years.

One day at a time.

I’m not at all the Shruthi of 3 years back, and tbh I don’t even recognise her anymore! She seems so so far away, really happy for me.

I’m in no way perfect still. Nor do I wanna be. I call myself beautifully chaotic lol. But over time the bouncing back has become faster as my awareness has increased.

I’ve finally let go of the remnants of my old self. I can feel it deep in my soul now. Through the year, I could feel about 10-20% of the fears lingering which I don’t feel now at all! A fucking lifechanging experience in Penang was the reason for it (story for another day)

5. Everything is happening at the right time

Many of us on the spiritual path, know this theoretically. But it takes us a long time to truly accept it and feel it in our bones, don’t we? Yup! That happened.

I’m nowhere close to the financial goals I set for my business 3-years back. No fucking close!

I haven’t gotten into the coveted 6-figure club which I thought I would in 3 years. But I couldn’t be happier about it! Because I now realise that even if that had happened, I’d have crashed, burned and melted like a gooey metal. And if I don’t see the abundance I’ve received other than money, I’d seriously be a fool.

That insane trust I’ve developed in myself, that the universe has a plan and I just need to keep my eyes & ears open and follow it…that I can’t control shit anyways so why do I even bother?…gah! It’s beautiful!

What’s occurred as a result of this realisation is that I’m not in a race anymore. I’ve slowed down. I breathe better. I’ve reduced weight because I don’t binge-eat the shit out of chips packets due to stress. I’ve started to give less fucks about things that never mattered anyways. My gut issues have decreased! I witness synchronicities and miracles every damn week (not kidding)…and after 2 years of experiencing it, I still feel awe (what a beautiful emotion isn’t it? AWE!).

Most importantly…I’m still here! And I’m doing fantabulously okay! What more could I want?

And I can feel time preparing me for everything to come, one step at a time. I just need to leap when the chance comes my way and do my karma.

6. Can we talk about the relationship with our bodies, please?

This was the most awe-inspiring of the lot - actually, all of them were…who am I kidding?!

In February this year, my mom randomly sent my college photos to our family's WhatsApp group. I was genuinely stunned! Why?! Because I was “thin” and looked freaking awesome & healthy! It was a mega-surprise because I remember always being a fat kid in my head and still hating my body through the phase, being small, and covering myself up. Somehow the “fat” identity had never left me.

Me during college graduation

I suddenly realised that I was never happy with my body since 5th or 6th grade. Food was my go-to during stress and anxiety which, of course, hadn’t helped. And unless I truly love my current self, and not wait for some drastic vision I had of myself, I wouldn’t be able to move forward.

It was fucking hard, but I had to consciously stop putting myself down at every goddamn turn.

• Looking at myself in the mirror, and not cringing at what I saw

• Not trying to hide my white hair which I received as a gift in the last 3 years of healing at the age of 24-26.

• Going from taking max 10-15 photos in years 2018-2023 combined —> Taking 20+ photos this year and appreciating myself when I look at them

• Intentionally trying to figure out the styles that work for me. Stepping into baggy jeans and cargos opened a whole new world!

• I have never worn makeup voluntarily in my life (I cried during my wedding due to all the poking and prodding). My skincare-obsessed sister almost fainted when I started a small experiment with bright-coloured eyeliners!

• I was kind to myself as I lost 50-60% of my hair after the worst fever I've had in my life, and during a spiritual rebirth. (My whole body cycle has gotten attuned to seasons and life phases now. Still figuring it out.)

• I stopped putting junk in my body, have become 10x more intentional with eating as compared to last year and have experimented with different forms of exercise where I could have the most fun!

The whole process has been intense, but beautiful and therapeutic. And it's still going on…but it's the best thing to ever happen.

Women are constantly judged for their bodies, especially by other women (men too. But I’ve heard more from women…at least in India) throughout their lives. My earliest memory of a comment like that was in my 6th grade or so. When a random aunty asked me to do more house chores so that I could look more beautiful.

It's the tiny things that build up and create a massive beast over time, isn't it? I didn't realise how much anger I was holding onto…against all those people who never made me feel comfortable in my own skin. The hardest was forgiving them, and myself for putting my body through so much shit and not giving the love she needs, especially when she's doing so much for me every single day.

From someone who covered herself up with a blazer/hoodie for more than a decade, to trying dresses, crop tops and sleeveless clothes…I've definitely come a long way and I'm fucking proud of it!

As I write this I see a girl thanking me for seeing her, smiling tiredly, with happiness shining through her eyes. She can finally be peaceful.

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I've never had a more magical year than this one - even with its hardships and ups & downs…it was so fucking worth it!

Every challenge brought me closer to myself. To who I truly am, making me love myself unconditionally and completely. Because how could I love others so without filling my cup first?

Other magical stuff that happened!

• I held my first in-person workshop in Penang, where I knew no one other than 1 guy! One person joined in! It was the best damn thing ever! Oh, the feeling of holding space for someone else while you see them sitting in front of you!

• Did my first solo international trip! I was terrified that I was gonna miss something or fuck something up, especially in the airports/flights. But I didn't! Who knew?! (Well, my husband was there. But I travelled alone back & forth. And explored many of the places alone on weekdays.)

• I have 25+ plants now! And have started to take care of them too! I'm currently getting my first capsicum now! Gosh…it's so so cool!

• I got back to reading! For a good chunk of my adult life (which isn't much bdw, but feels like aeons) I forced myself to read nonfiction because it's a grown-up thing to do. But what the hell! No one can comprehend the rush I get when I read fiction! Especially fantasy, romance, or historical fiction! I think I've crossed the 90 count.

• Booked my first trip with a friend in January! I'm super duper excited!

• Went on a solo sustainable farming retreat

• Went on solo workshops/events in my city. Considered them as dates with myself and had so much fun!

• Reconnected with my office friends! I truly understand now that some people leave your life for a reason, and when you reconnect, it's an even better feeling!

• Made so many new connections! Especially 4 friends who I know are gonna travel with me for a looonng time! Anyone who said making friends as an adult is hard hasn't put the effort into it. Adult friendships are 100x better than friendships in school and college because you choose these people. And you're more mature too!

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I don't know how 2025 is going to go! But seeing the things that have already lined up? I'm fucking excited and here for it all!

I've moved from a person who sets goals to someone who sets intentions. And not financial ones. The difference is not putting a timeline on it, because then I trust I'll receive it when the time comes. It's beautiful to just dream and be in that zone without putting pressure on myself!

I’m also getting closer to my life’s purpose. Well…I always knew it in my heart, but now I’m accepting it lol (mind, body and soul). I feel so much peace and joy when I think about it! Gaaahhh, Can’t wait!

Okay, you’ve seen and heard enough from me for today. I’m gonna crash now…it’s 3 am here. Because you’ll from me again this week lol. Lots of new updates and stories to share!

Until next time,
With lots of love,
Shruthi❤